I have a dragon inside of me. She's snaggle-toothed and fierce. I love my dragon because I know that when the chips are down I will be able to do what needs to be done in an array of life situations. She's a survivor. She knows to hush my voice and to heighten my senses when I enter a dark alley at night. She guides me to adventure in far away places. She guides me to adventure at home.

 

My dragon is fierce.

 

I have a dove inside of me. She's delicate and vulnerable. She's nurturing and loyal. She's devoted to her mate and to her children. I love my dove because she is teaching me that I don't have to push so hard to get things done.

 

My dove is merciful.

 

My dove is willing to sacrifice being right to be happy.

 

My dragon isn't.

 

I've been pretending that I don't have a dragon inside of me. For all of her awesomeness, I'm afraid of her destructive force. The irony of this, of course, is that the more I ignore her, the more I push her aside, the more destructive she becomes. She pushes her way through at the most inopportune times. Like Anakin Skywalker, I end up expressing the one thing that I'm trying to prevent: misused rage.

 

When that happens my nervous system goes on overload and the fuses are blown.

 

While my dragon retreats to her lair, her fire completely used up, dove comes in with her soothing balm and resets the world. She makes things okay again. She just knows what to do.

 

 

In solidarity for the fragile and fierce,

 

A month ago I launched a new group class series called, Do Different. This series is about doing things differently to get different results. In it my guides and I laid the groundwork for creating change in our lives. If you missed it, click here to get your copy.

 

The next Do Different call is on this Friday, May 5 at 10:00am Pacific.

 

This call will be centered around letting ourselves be Fragile and Fierce. This is a zone that many of us have difficulty accessing and navigating. I will open the door to that rich and delicate zone.

 

Please click the pink link below to sign up for this call or for the entire series:

 

Do Different: Let Yourself Be Fragile - Signup Here

 

Remember:

 

To do different means to be different means to have different.

 

Let's Do Different together.

 Author's note: Over the past month I have been graced with the privilege of working with people who's lives are changing so radically that they are in a period of unknown. They are in deep transition. My middle name is Ann. I am the Ann to whom this letter is addressed in the title. Therefore, this letter is as much a testimony to those who are suffering in transition now as it is to my 36 year old self who was in that place not so long ago.

This is the sh*ts. You've come to a point of great unknown. It's equally painful and numb. It hurts psychically. It hurts physically. The pain is hot and searing. The numb parts are like dead wood. The pain and the numbness are relentless. Everything that you know to do isn't having an affect. The new things you're trying are illuminating and give you hope to keep going but so far, they bring no relief. All the while your world is getting smaller and smaller shrinking to a point where it's difficult to hold on to the essential human need for meaning and purpose.

 

How can this be you?

A month ago I launched a new group class series called, Do Different. This series is about doing things differently to get different results. In it my guides and I laid the groundwork for creating change in our lives. If you missed it, click here to get your copy.

 

The next Do Different call is on Friday, May 5 at 10:00am Pacific. (Note: if you read the fine print in my last email you will notice that the time has changed, again. This is the official day and time. My life is in transition at the moment too)!

 

This call will be centered around letting ourselves be Fragile. This is a zone that many of us have difficulty accessing. I will make this safe enough to open the door to that rich and delicate zone.

 

Please click the pink link below to sign up:

 

Do Different: Let Yourself Be Fragile - Signup Here

 

Remember:

 

To do different means to be different means to have different.

 

Let's Do Different together.

 

Doing things differently one micro-action at a time,

 

 Some teleclass FAQ's:

 

1. What if I can't be live on the call? Will I still benefit from the work? - Yes. Energy is not limited by time or space. You will receive the recording and can listen to it at your convenience.

 

2. If energy isn't limited by time or space do I need to listen to it at all? - Yes. Participation, however passive or active it may feel, is required to receive optimal benefits.

 

3. I'm really interested. How do I sign up? - Simply click the Do Different - Signup Here link above and you will be taken to a signup and checkout page. When you signup there are a couple of questions for you to answer to bring focus to the call. Short answers are just fine. Respond in a way that suits you.

 

4. Will I receive reminders? - Yes. Once you sign up you will receive the call-in information and reminders up to 1 hour before the event.

 

5. I have friends who would love this. Can I invite him and her? - Absolutely. The more the merrier. We are out to do a good bit of different around here. Simply forward this email to them or you can add as many people as you want to your checkout. Just be sure to let me know where to send the recording after the call.

 

6. I have more questions. How do I reach you? - Awesome. Simply reply to this email and ask away. Thank you.

I am starting to feel flirty. I haven't been pursued for some time. And it has me feeling wanted, desirable, and pleasantly nervous.

 

It all began when I felt a growing sense of being pursued. Pursued by desire. Pursued by impatience. Pursued in my dreams at night. Pursued by what if's.

 

They were and are in relentless pursuit.

 

For weeks now my night has been as vivid as my day. My day has been a jumble of creative ideas wrapped in a bow of worry.

 

This relentless pursuit...It's a signal that it's time to do things differently.

 

Then came a new "what if." What if I stopped running away in my dreams and stopped worrying in my days to turn and face what is pursuing me?

 

So I did. And I'm starting to feel flirty.

 

I ask you: What isn't working that you know can work? What transition are you in that you know your go to approaches don't quite fit? What information is eluding you that once you have it can flip the switch and set you on your direct path? (tip: it's probably not what you think).

 

What are you ready to flirt with? What can you do differently?

 

Have you ever started with a plan and a set of priorities and go to work on them only to have other priorities surface and other things that need attention? Then a whole month goes by and even though you got a lot done that was worthwhile, the main objectives are still sitting there - untouched.

 

That is the story of this month of January for me. It's real, and current, and I'm frustrated.

 

I'm also sitting in awe and wonder at what happened this month. It was pretty fantastic. It was a month of experiencing survival on a more fundamental level than I have in a long time. We had snow storms, and power outages, and two weeks of snow days home from school. We made store runs between storms and discovered how quickly stores can be depleted of stock when deliveries aren't delivered. There was a week where my car couldn't leave the driveway. 

 

Along with many other brave souls, John took to the roads to work so he could provide for us financially. More than once each day I wondered how other families and individuals were doing and how they were being affected by these events. I wondered how they were responding and surviving. I wondered what plans they were going to have to change because of missed work and unexpected time off. I wondered what priorities of theirs were left on the table for a time. All of us were in this together and all of us have our own ways of surviving on all levels.

 

I've learned a few things over the last few weeks. First, survival is exhausting. Everything requires more time, more rest, moving slower. Second, despite my scariest imaginations about survival, I can do it, and so can my community. I'm not perfectly prepared but I'm prepared enough. I know that now. Lastly, a generator is a wonderful investment that I highly recommend to anyone who lives in areas susceptible to power outages. The psychic relief is beyond compare.

 

While survival was interesting to live and to explore I didn't do just that. There was much fun to be had. I mean, there was over a foot of snow on the ground at our house for over a week. That's unheard of here in Portland. And we had a frozen pond to take advantage of. Every day our cats, and kids, and I ventured out to play. We skated (all of us) on the pond. We rolled in the snow. We made thrones out of shoveled piles. Frances ate enough snow to turn herself into a snowgirl. We had hot fires and hot chocolate daily.

 

This month, my attention was definitely needed in areas that didn't have anything to do with my list. Or did they? My overarching priority is to live an interesting life. Well, I sure was interested in my life experience the last few weeks. In spite of my exhaustion, I was in total flow. While I'm totally frustrated about my progress of some of my pet projects, I was living life to its fullest!

 

Ultimately, I want to bring all these threads together into one package. It includes a well run home, successful work, play, financial stability, and various sports and adventures for my family and me.

 

And that's where growing Mojo comes in. You see, right now I'm still growing my energy and my strength to do all of these things. I can imagine them. I know how to do many of them. And I'm still neurologically weak enough that it's hard to pull it off. More accurately, it's hard to pull them off in the way that I did them before. Before I got sick, that is.

 

So how does an ambitious person like myself manifest the life of her dreams when she's neurologically weak and only knows how to use her old strategy of myopic focus and strength to get from point A to point B? It's one word:

 

Mojo.

Mojo for me is the ability to look at the last month of lived experience and embrace it as the real priorities for me in my life at this time. Old Kate would have said, "that was fun now it's time to get back to real life." New Kate realizes that was and is real life. And that my living takes care of my to do list. You see, I'll bring a new flavor to my list moving forward. One that I would not have brought without several weeks of snow play, carrying wood, and making sure we had enough food and water.

 

This doesn't come easily to me. I can't just eliminate my Go Getter. Even though she doesn't want to create the way she used to, she still wants to manifest a big fat juicy life. What I can do is grow her a cohort ---Mojo. As I write this I feel them becoming fast friends. Maybe this is the next phase of strengthening my neurology. Growing in Mojo. Hooking her up with Go Getter. Putting them to work on manifesting the life of my dreams and living it too.

 

Go Getter is the focus, Mojo is the pulse. This is getting yummy. 

 

How about you? How's your Mojo? How do you define it for yourself? Please hit the reply button and let me know.

 

And as always, if you'd like to explore your Mojo with me, I have 1:1 individual and coaching options available. You can check them out at KateEskew.com or hit reply to schedule a free 30 minute session by phone with me to discover which options would be best for you.

During the holiday season I received a letter from my mentor, Denise Dee. In it she asked the question, "What is your soul's desire?" She then challenged me to collage or make art around this question.

 

The question settled into me and I rejected the challenge as I find collage to be too time and labor intensive for me during this period of time. I promptly returned my focus to holiday activities and doing what needed to be done around my farm during this winter that is unusually cold and stormy.

 

I rejected her challenge, that is, until my husband gave me some beautiful art supplies for Christmas. That question bubbled up inside of me and burst forth in a way that could not be ignored. So the next night I sat by the light of the Christmas tree and drew my first image.

 

I centered into my body and asked the question, "What is my soul's desire?"

 

Then I just let my hands move. Time was suspended. My soul began to speak. The first image that emerged is below.

 

I got so much out of that night in front of the Christmas tree that I continued the practice each day, always centered in the same question, "What is my soul's desire?"

 

A new question emerged as the images took shape: "What if I were to look at my goals and intentions for this year and for this phase of my life from my soul's perspective?" I wondered if any of them would change, go away, or come into focus.

 

The answer to both questions are in the images below. My body and my soul got their turn at the table and they showed me how much faith they have in me. They showed me where I need to sit on my throne and claim my authority. They showed me where I need to remove the hooks of old hurts that I've held in place long enough so they can heal up and then I can reallocate the energetic resources they use to step into a new beginning. They showed me that my oracle vision is sound and accurate and that I have the endurance and strength to do this work and live this life one beautiful step at a time.

 

I love doing non-verbal work because I discover parts of myself that I can't access through the mind or the written word. My goals have become richer and more meaningful. In truth, even though this exercise affects where I apply myself, the word goals just doesn't quite do it here. What I mean to say is that my life is richer and more meaningful thanks to connecting my soul, (through my gorgeous body), with pretty pens and pencils and paper.

 

Now, just as Denise Dee challenged me to make art, I am extending the challenge to you. Collage. Draw. Doodle. Center yourself in your body and ask yourself, "What is my soul's desire?" Even if you think you can't draw or make art just give it a try. This isn't about making perfect art. This is about connecting with your body and your soul to discover what they want to share with you.

 

I've been pondering a peculiar conundrum over the past week. I've noticed that when people are presented with a way to improve a difficult situation or to have their life match what's in their imagination, despite their excitement of the possibility, many say, "no," to it. They may be showing up to some really supportive places too, like life expanding retreats, or regular visits to their naturopath or healer, or eating well and getting regular exercise, etc. Maybe I'm just talking about myself here, yet when the rubber meets the road, at some point along the way, the no's have their way. As I implied, I'm not exempt from this. As I've noticed it in others, I see it myself.

 

Here's what it sounds like:

 

My boss won't let me.

 

My husband/wife/partner/significant other /parents/family/community won't like it or won't let me. (I'm have a master's degree in this one). 

 

I don't have the time. (I'm sporting double degrees in this).

 

I don't have the money. (This is legit and is a cover. I have a certificate here too).

 

My life isn't about me right now.

 

I'd love to but I could never do that.

 

I'm not creative. (I used to say I couldn't write. Whaaaattttt???)

 

I'm not intuitive.

 

It has always been this way. (This bubbles below this surface for me and Hope is my antidote).

 

It's too big. What can one person do? (I feel this regularly. Don't worry, I have an antidote for this too).

 

My whole world is falling apart and there's nothing I can do about it expect to keep going. (I've told myself this story too. And while it was falling apart, there was still something I could do).

 

That's impossible (for me).

 

 

Yesterday, my mental pondering met my emotional body and I dissolved into grief over this conundrum. And I cried. And I rocked. And I shook. And I let the tears fall down my face as I lay on my naturopath's table; witnessed by him and by his dedicated student and by daughter, Frances.

 

All that movement shook free the insights I was seeking. Until then all of it felt stuck and inaccessible inside of me.

 

Now, I'm hearing these, "no's"  and, "maybe later's," from very capable people, myself included. We are sincere and driven and care a whole lot. So here's what I think is going on here.

 

There's the fear of change. That one is pretty obvious and though it's real, it's also a bit stale thanks to popular culture. There are legitimate reasons for saying, "no." And  there are a couple of players in the background that are hijacking our thoughts and our actions, which leads to perpetuating the false story about what we can and cannot do, which leads to, "no's when we'd like to say, "yes."

 

I'd like to introduce you to the Absolutes and the Power Over's.

 

The Absolutes are the beliefs we hold that are set. Some are of great service, (like if I step off that cliff, I will die). And some aren't, (like if I pursue my dream, I will die or lose something or someone). They are the never's, always, have to's, not's, and don't have's, (to name a few). They are also the causes and effects. If this happens, then this will happen. End of story.

 

The Power Over's are the ones to whom we have handed our authority. They are the bosses, the significant others, the parents, the children, the government, God/Goddess.

 

This isn't insurmountable. In fact, this is where I geek out because I love the antidotes!

 

But first, have you ever tried to fight with your, "no's?" You know, meet them head on? How did that work out for you? I lose that fight almost every time. I have found that the fight is food for the, "no." They just get bigger and stronger the more I meet them head on. With that, I'd like to introduce you to my biggest friends and advocates for burping out a, "yes," even when I'm afraid and can feel the, "no," inside me. 

 

They are:

And - bye bye Absolutes. Hello AND! It's "no" and yes."

 

Or - It's this and that, or something else.

 

Power Through - This isn't the traditional definition of pushing through. It's reclaiming our personal authority and running our power through ourselves. It's having what may feel like difficult conversations. It's feeling our feet on the ground and the ground beneath our feet and running our energy through our body and out our vocal chords.

 

Compassion - Oh so much compassion. For the self. For the other. It's about asking questions, listening, and being heard.

 

Loving Kindness - Love. Loving. Love in Kindness. Loving Kindness.

Courage - My favorite magic cocktail is called, The Power Through. It's 1 part Courage, 1 part And/Or (whichever you have available), and 1 part Love. It gets the job done every time.

 

Gentle Diligence - this is not a mission of seeking and destroying limiting beliefs. It's about being the witness, the silent watcher whose very existence helps us to dissolve our "no's" when we want to say, "yes," into And/Or.

 

A Tribe - There's nothing like having a tribe to support and cheer on and who supports and cheers us on in life. Connection matters.

 

As I come to a close on these thoughts, it occurs to me that it's important to work with these, "no's," so we can get to the True No. The No that keeps us on our path rather than the one that keeps us off of it. To that No, I say Yes!

 

Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear how you work with your, "no" when you want to say, "yes." And I'm curious to learn how you know when you're speaking a True No. Please hit the reply button and tell me about it.

 

Last weekend I took my girls on a "bear hunt." We stepped outside. We sniffed the air. We looked for sign. We quieted our bodies and listened. On the air Liddy picked up the scent of cinnamon. On the ground we found elk poop, deer poop, and coyote poop. As we walked like bears, we felt the wind move across our skin and lift our hair from our heads. We heard it move through the trees. We let our senses take the lead as we left the open field and headed into the woods.

 

The trail was muddy and full of elk tracks. We sought the highest ground we could only to slip down into the squishy gooey earth. Liddy slipped off her feet, landing on her butt and soaking her nightgown. (Yes, we were on a "bear hunt" in our pajamas).  We laughed and continued on. Reclaiming our senses, we followed the sights and sounds and smells of the trail. Soon we came to the entrance of the deep, dark woods.

 

It was there that we had a choice. Do we stay on the brighter path, the shorter walk, the flattest terrain? Or do we take the narrow trail that disappears out of sight only a few steps in? The trail that leads into the deep dark woods? 

 

It was at this point Frannie said, "Mom, are we really hunting a bear?" At 4 years old she isn't sure she wants to actually come face to face with a real live bear armed with only a backpack containing a cheese stick, a doll, and her water. She knows she can't outrun it, or out climb it, or out anything it.

 

"No." I say. It's pretend. And it was.

 

The girls chose the path. Into the deep dark woods we went. Sniffing, scouting, staying in verbal contact, and keeping each other in our line of sight.

 

Then it happened.

 

Once we passed through the threshold beneath the dark canopy of the forest, the path almost instantly became brighter.

 

"The deep dark woods aren't so dark, Mommy." Frannie said.

 

And she was right.

I've been grappling with what to call my work and how to present it for far too long. My unrealistic need for the perfect presentation, the perfect website, the perfect offering is constricting my flow and my ability to connect. The reality is there are no perfect words for it. And yet, there are words that come really close.

 

It's time for me to sh*t or get off the pot, as my grandmother used to say.

 

Drum roll, please...

 

I'm a healer, a coach, a spiritual warrior. I help people see and act on possibility where they didn't see it before. I'm an up-leveler of life. I soundly believe there are options even when you have been told over and over again that this is the way things are. I'm not afraid to go into the deep dark woods with you.

 

With that, I have updated my website with my current offerings. On it you will find options for one-on-one sessions for yourself or your animals and information about my coaching services. I have updated my pricing on all of my services. You will see that the human and coaching services are lower than my most recent rates.

 

All of us are on a "bear hunt." Some of us are meant to go it on our own. Most of us will have a far more fruitful hunt and will make it home with our senses enlivened, our worlds expanded, a spark of knowing that rarely is it true that "this is the way things are" if we hunt together. Note: it matters who you journey with.

 

Who will you take on your hunt?

 

Wishing you joy,

Kate

 

P.S. I invite you to check out my website: www.KateEskew.com for the latest. I'm really proud of how it turned out. If you're standing at the edge of your woods and some company as you journey through them, you can reach me at kate@kateeskew.com. Big love, Kate

For Portland area friends, take a drive in the country to do your holiday shopping this year and come see me this Saturday, December 3 at the Skyline School Holiday Pop-Up Shop. 26 local vendors, including yours truly, will be selling handmade goods and services in the school gym from 9-12.

 

I have two holiday specials: a 60 minute Psychic Reading or a 60 minute Energy Healing Session for $80 each. If you can't make it to the event you can buy them by clicking here.

 

Cost of admission is one non-perishable food item for Skyline School's Backpack program. See you on Saturday!

 

It's poll time.

 

No, not presidential poll time. I'm not inclined to make phone calls during dinner time.

 

I am inclined to be useful in this lifetime and I'm full of ideas about how to do that. I'm learning that the best way to be of service is to get some feedback on my ideas before I roll them out. I want to know what you need not what I think you need.

 

With that, I'm thinking about starting some sort of website around Optimizing Sleep - from quick enhancements to cures for insomniacs.

 

Quick, before you have time to think, what's your reaction to that? Please hit reply now and let it spill out. Don't hold back. Let 'er rip.

 

Here are some prompts to work from. You could say, "good idea and could you include a piece about _________," or  "bad idea and have you thought about _______," or "cool idea but if there was one thing that I could solve/improve in my life, it's __________."

 

To ease your mind, your responses will only be read by me. I will not be sharing them with anyone but my inner guidance and thinker so that they can be used to create a meaningful and useful solution to your needs.

 

Please hit reply now. You have no idea (or maybe you do) how much I would appreciate your response. This girl desires to be useful.

 

Thank you!

 

Wishing you joy,

Kate

 

P.S. If you're thinking about coming back to this so you can formulate an answer, just go ahead and hit reply now and start typing. Just pretend you're taking a school test and remember that  the first response is the best response. Cheers! And thank you.

I've always known that when I turned forty, my life would transform. I've known since I was a teenager that I would come into my own. I would own my worth and embody my power.

 

My time has come.

 

I'm standing in the doorway.

 

I'm about to walk through. Cross the threshold. Come into my own.

 

To celebrate this passing into a new era, I'm fundraising for a couple of marine microplastic cleanup initiatives. These are pet projects that I'm thrilled to be spearheading. All I and we need is your support to make it happen.

 

In the name of getting traction and coming into its own, please dig deep and support this project.

 

The link below takes you to my fundraising page where you'll find details about our project. Plus, hot off the presses and fresh from the film circuit is a 5 minute movie that describes the problem and the solution. It rocks. Check it out by clicking the link below:

 

Microplastic Cleanup Fundraiser

 

We can make an enormous difference together. Thank you.

 

Wishing you joy,

Kate

 

P.S. Please forward this on to your friends and family. Thank you.